Equilibrium

Have you even been to a circus and seen a tightrope walker? Every time I watch a tightrope act my heart jumps into my throat! I know that there are always spotters waiting below and a large net in case of an accident, but it doesn't stop my second-hand fear of falling. Sometimes I catch myself wondering why I paid money to sit and be anxious for two hours but when the person reaches the other side I remember exactly why: the excitement and relief of watching them take a bow is an amazing adrenaline rush.

 "Life is a balancing act."

I'm not sure how often you have heard that saying, but I know that my count is upwards of eight billion. (Okay maybe that's hyperbole). Yet, while I was completing my daily yoga practice this morning I realized how relevant that phrase is for me right now. 

Some people get a rush out of living on the edge. Adventure. Travel. New sights. New life. No routine. Unlike me, they buy tickets to watch the tightrope walkers hang perilously in mid-air. The rush they get comes from being pushed into to space and fighting gravity, not from reaching the other side. I will never be part of that crowd.

At the risk of sounding like a hippie, my zodiac sign is a cancer and I fit the description to a T: loving and outgoing, but always sticking close to home. Like a crab, I tend to keep my comforts close at hand. I'm not a balancer by nature and I am not a thrill seeker. Yet, whether I like it or not, I am always going to be crossing tightropes to get from one steady platform to another. The show must go on and unfortunately, I am the leading lady of my own life. No coffee breaks between sets for this girl .

Even if I don't get my highs from the struggle of crossing the rope, I can still find them by taking time to relish in the seconds of stability I find. Every so often I get moments of complete clarity and I realize: look at everything you are accomplishing. I'm in another country learning to live with only myself as company. No, I really don't like a lot of the uncertainty I'm facing, that's true. What I do love is realizing that I am able to create a temporary home for myself here even in the middle of empty space. That's the great thing about hermit crabs in particular: they can adopt a new shell.

So right now I'm wobbling across this three-month adventure with my little shell. I'm going to reach the platform on the other side and look back with so much pride...I'm even going to wish I could cross the rope again. First I need to reach the finish line and learn to love the journey on the way there.